The Miracle Cure

Hey there. I'm on a mission to browse the web in search of "The Miracle Cure" that will heal all ailments. Little did I know, there is actually a product called Miracle Cure, and guess what? It cures everything. lmao Here are some of the ailments that this thing claims to get rid of:

Anger
Bad Breath
Constipation
Dandruff
Eye Problems
Falling Hair
Hopelessness
Hiccups
Obesity
Restlessness
Stinky Feet
Tooth Decay

What are they offering? The sweat of god? What pill, lotion, ointment, paste, or whatever the hell it is, is going to ease my anger, cure my hiccups, improve my vision, and solve my foot "stinkyness"? I call BS on this product but check it out for yourselves. You can obtain "The Miracle Cure" via download for only $14.99! HA! HA! HA! Dont' believe me? This is taken directly from the site,

SO HOW MUCH DOES THE MIRACLE CURE COST?

All we ask in return for this life-giving product is a small, one time donation of $14.99. This can be send to you immediately via download link, or you can choose to have it mailed to you for an additional $2.99.

So there you have it friends. Cure all ailments via download for only $14.99 and if by chance you want the cure mailed to you, it'll cost you an additional $2.99. Oh man, that's hilarious. I guess you need to stick your finger in a USB port or something to get the cure to run through your body. Other than that, I don't see how it's going to work... Unless you need to eat your hard drive or something. lmao Later.

Notice to Employees in Regards to Cash Crunch Management

Hey there. Just a little office humor. Enjoy!

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire-Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have gone through AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPEd and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
Management

Happy Birthday Young One

Hey there. Today is our young one's birthday. We've decided that for her 8th birthday we would get her a set diamond studded earrings. We're getting a little bit of a backlash in regards to that gift. Some say that she's too young for that as a gift, considering that she turns 8 today, but we feel as if she's a big girl and can take care of them. But as an insurance policy, we're getting the screw back earring so there's no way that they will fall off or whatever. We've noticed that she doesn't play with "little girl" stuff such as dolls and what not, even though she has a pretty big collection of them. She prefers to read a book (Judy Bloom or the Junie B Jones series seem to be her favorites) or what music specials on Fuse. lol

Went haven't decided on where we are going to take her for dinner. We gave her the choice of selecting the spot. As I walked the kids to the school this morning, I told her to think about it and let us know. The birthday talk also brought up "party" talk. We're not against parties, or anything of that nature, but we believe that the kids are getting used to the idea that "parties = presents". I briefly explained that a party is not necessary to celebrate a birthday. We celebrated our son's birthday this year at the Rain Forest Cafe and had us some cake. I used that as an example of us having a special outing as a family and celebrated a birthday together. They seemed to understand and after discussing my talk with them to my wife, she really wants to make sure that they understand that. Mainly because we were at a birthday party this weekend where the "birthdayee" was practically kicking everyone out after presents were received because the birthdayee wanted to celebrate in their own way. Seemed extremely ungrateful to me and this person is not considered a young one...

Anyways, I wanted to write a little something something to her so here goes.

June Gloom Nevermore

They say that April showers bring May flowers
and that June is full of gloom
Today is a day that we celebrate
Another year that we've watch you bloom
No blackened clouds or darken skies
Can deter your sunny smile
You brighten a room with such grace
And always in your style
Your song and dance makes us grin
Full of adulation
A voice full of angel's choir
Always bringing admiration
So, to our young one we dedicate
On this blissful day in June
All our love and so much more
As you emerge from your cocoon
Gloomy days are done and done
As we watch you, our butterfly
We love you lots and always will
Even after you take off into the sky.

-Metallman

Is Metallman Breaking Down?

Hey there. I feel like crap today. Actually, I've been feeling like crap for about a week. I've had this headache that come and goes. It's odd because I've never really been one to experience headaches but recently they've come on.

I'm also experiencing some aches and pains on my body that I don't ever remember feeling before. Stupid body seems to pop and crack every time I turn or bend. lol My knees have always "popped". That's a cool little trick to show people. I do a squat and POP! Crazy. But recently, I've felt and hear this "tearing" sound in my left elbow when I extend it all the way. I wonder if maybe it's a tendon in my elbow or something. Doesn't hurt, but feels weird. I've been reluctant to start with my weight exercises because of it. The popping never stopped me from doing leg work outs but my elbow feels a little different.

I'm also having some lower back pains. Mainly in the kidney area. Stupid kidneys... Not filtering the crap out of my system fast enough or something... Maybe... I think. I drink my fair share of water at work, but I also offset that water intake with my coffee intake. Just as an insight, my coffee mug is almost twice the size of my water mug. lol

Then there's my breathing. Shallow at times. Metallman has done no cardio in since like forever. The last time I actually did some running so happened to be the last time I went to go play basketball about 2 weeks ago. I was short of breath and so not in basketball shape. I did manage to grind out 2 hours worth of basketball but I was definitely winded and stood around for a min or two to catch my breath here and there. I swear, I struggle to get up the stairs at work sometimes.

Old age? Nah, I doubt it. Like I said before, I don't plan on dying. If it happens, hey, what are you going to do? But to expect it? It's like expecting for an accident to smash your new car or that killer quake happening to split your house in two. Maybe my metabolism is finally slowing down. I've always had high metabolism and maybe, just maybe, it's slowed down enough where it's beginning to affect my body. Stupid metabolism. Stupid body. If only there was some kind of miracle drink that can cure all.

Now before I get Emails and comments saying that "Noni" works, let me set you straight. IT DOESN'T. lol I used to laugh at the infomercials and chuckled at this miracle drink. Basically, it cured everything under the sun but death. lol I don't see it around anymore so maybe people caught on to their BS and quit buying it. But if you're still a paying customer, I'd love to hear from you and it's "miraculous" healing powers.

Now for the rest of us, I'm going to look for other "cure all" stuffs out on the web and see what I find. I'm pretty sure the stuff will be interesting. Later.

A Busted Laptop Cord

Hey there. Saturday night, I discovered that the AC adapter for the laptop has finally given up. We've noticed that it had bite marks (I'm looking at you, JACK!) and it has been faulty these past couple of weeks. You had to bend and twist the cord in weird ways to get it to work. Well, all the bending and twisting couldn't fix it anymore. What a bummer too. I tend to do my "online work" after dark. I'll get through the dropping and adgitize browsing during that time so that I can spend the day doing what I want and not be bogged down to doing that kinda work through the day. I know that it used to get on my wife's nerves that when I would do it during the day. It would be Saturday morning and there I am, in front of the comp, doing work. I might as well get it out of the way and once my wife hits the sack, I'll log on and get some work done.

I checked out Ebay this morning to see if I can find a replacement and I'm glad that I was able to find one for $2. I bought it and it's going to ship from CA so I should be getting it fairly quickly. Until then, I'll probably go back to doing work on the desktop. Which is not bad, but I've gotten spoiled by the laptop. I can lie in bed, next to wife, watch TV, and get work done all at once. Ugh... Later.

Laptop charger is busted. No dropping, no page views, no online work. Resorting to mobile posts. Damn, this sucks...