US Draft to Allow Men over 60?

Hey there. I'm not sure what the laws are outside of the United States, but once young men reach the age of 18, you are required to register for the US Selective Service. It pretty much means that if a war breaks out and the US needs soldiers, Selective Service registrants will be pulled a la a draft. Well, after reading this Email from a senior citizen... I'm thinking that maybe, JUST MAYBE, we got it all wrong. lol Enjoy.


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!!
You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.

Metallman's Belt

Hey there. Several years ago, I was a stick figure thin 118 lbs. Yup, that's not a typo, 118 lbs. Today, I am a "healthy" 175. lol I've always struggled to gain weight. I tried all I could in high school and beyond to gain weight, but no luck. That is, until I met my wife. The picture you see is of a belt that I took from my wife when we first met. Mind you, it was very loose fitting on her so I pretty much figured it fit me better. lol Well, as you can see, I started off using the hole to farthest left and am now 1 hole away from having to look for a new belt. lmao Check it out.
As you can see, I met my wife in 2003 and have steadily started using the other holes in the belt. I love my babe and she treats and feeds me well. I guess it's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. lol I got the idea to post this in the morning when I was getting dressed and realized that I can't go past the second hole. Just thought I'd share that with you. lmao

Damn... looking at that picture, it looks like that button on my shirt is ready to pop! lmao Talking about popping buttons... Wait, that's for another time. I got a few button popping stories but if I start with those now, I won't finish this post today. HA! Later!

Update! As my wife pointed out... We met in 2003 and married in 2004. Not the above dates above! I'm too lazy to change the picture so this will have to do. Nah... I think I'll just change the pic. lmao Later.

Life Through the Eyes of a HP Machine

Hey there. I'm fully charged and ready to go. My master pulls me out of my bag once the evening is well underway. I don't know how much more I can take. His greasy fingers tap away at my keyboard (by the way, which doesn't even light up), leaving me sticky. His many windows continuously sap away at my RAM, causing my responsiveness to diminish. I haven't been cleaned and defragmented since I was fist purchased many years ago, wasting valuable storage room and constantly losing speed. My "spanking new" graphics card is now old news and I can't even run some of the newer PC games. I swear, it's like if I'm turning into an obsolete machine! Something like an IBM Thinkpad T21! *sigh*
How I wish I was one of those brand new HP HDX 16t. Now that is a machine of beauty. 16 inch HD screen, up to 3.06 GHz, Up to 8 Gigs of DDR2 memory, 1 Gig GeForce card, Blu-Ray ROM with SuperMulti DVD+/-R/RW Double Layer, and many other perks! I'm lucky that my master has not purchased one of these notebooks. And I'm extremely lucky that he hasn't seen the discounts that HP is offering on a HP HDX 16t. In case you didn't know, you can get $500 off instantly when you purchase an HP HDX 16t with $300 coupon code NBN3248 + $200 Instant Rebate. Valid through 8/23 or while supplies last. Restrictions and exclusions apply.

Oh man, I hear him coming. It's time to struggle through another night of work. Maybe I should delete this post. I wouldn't want my master to purchase such an awesome machine and toss me aside. Or maybe even use me for spare parts! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! Oh no! It's too late...

Brett Favre Signs with the Minnesota Vikings!

Hey there. It seemed that it was more of a matter of "when" instead of "if". Well, today is the "when". Even though reports claimed that Brett Favre called it quits for real this time, he has gone out and signed a deal with Minnesota. His signing is no more than a few hours old and he's already in pads, practicing with the Vikings. What does this mean to the football world? One of many things. Are we going to be blessed and see one of the game's greatest QBs make a gallant effort to end his career on top? Are we going to see "Old Man Brett" hanging on my his last thread just to make it through the season? What does this mean to fantasy football players? Will you trade to start Brett? Will Adrian Peterson get his now that Favre is in the lineup? It's exciting, I'll admit, but it's hard to look forward to seeing The Legend in action when we've seen him have extreme highs and extreme lows these past couple of seasons.

His first retirement was heart felt. I remember seeing him weep at his press conference. It made me feel somber knowing that one of the best QBs in the game is retiring. It made me feel old to see a player from my childhood hang up his cleats. Then he came back, and then retired, and then came back again. I'm not a Green Bay Packers fan, but I am a fan of the game and of individual players. Naturally, I want to see the best players on the field. That's the only way we're guaranteed great football, but if Brett's time is up, he may regret this move. Viking coach Brad Childress better hope this gamble is worth the risk. His job hangs on Brett Favre's arm. I don't want to see him fail, but if Favre fails, not only will Childress look foolish, but so will the legend of Brett Favre. Later.

Do Fantasy Football Better with Waiver Wire

Hey there friends. Football season is fast approaching. We've already had a few good looks at most NFL teams in preseason action and the anticipation is building as the season opener is approaching. Most football fans are scrambling to get their fantasy football teams together before the season starts. I've been playing fantasy football for years now. I've tried different leagues from different places since I haven't been able to find a league that provides the ultimate experience in fantasy football. After signing up and trying WaiverWire, I believe I may have found my home.

After going through the packages that they offered, I went with the appropriately named, Stimulus Package, that is 100% for the 2009 season. That's a savings of $20. Here are all the perks that come with it.
That is a lot of information for a free site. Many other fantasy football sites do not offer anywhere this amount of information. Being a guy that loves numbers (profession: credit analyst) I love being to get all sorts of information from a single source.

WaiverWire.com is brought to you by some former Wall Street guys that love football. Say what you want about Wall Street, but if someone is going to analyze football for me, I'm going to want the guys that did analyzing for a living.
I went ahead and entered my fantasy team into their database and started my research. There is so much information to digest. Projections, odds, player information, team news, player stats, etc. etc. It simply has everything you need to build and research your players so that you can make the best choice for the week. The projections tab is especially useful for this task. Who do I start? Peyton Manning or Matt Schaub? You can go to the projection tab and compare the players and make the best choice for the week. I love this feature!
And when you're done with all the researching for your team, you can stop by the Guru Zone for a weekly challenge. This is definitely my favorite part of the site. WaiverWire provides you a chance to gain Guru Points which is a way to display you're football knowledge by taking part of it's weekly challenge. Who do you believe will gain the most yards? Most TDs? Cover the spread? You submit your answers and points are awarded depending on correct predictions. It's for bragging rights amongst other WaiverWire members. My Guru Status is a big fat 0 but I'm hoping to improve that number as the season goes on.

I spent a good amount of time going through the player news and team statistics. I went through most of the players on my favorite team, Oakland Raiders, to get a better grasp of what's going down with them. I'm reading good things on them and I hope that they come out on top of their division. I'm also reading up on them since I like to have a few players on my fantasy team from my favorite team. As you can see from my autodrafted team, I don't have any OAK players. It's OK, though. I'm planing on claiming their defense and WR Schilens on my team. I play to win! But I also try to stay loyal to my team and I'm not showing much loyalty if I have the SD defense on my side. lol

Sign up at WaiverWire today and take advantage of all the information that is readily available to us football fanatics. Make sure you look for me to add me as a friend for some friendly competition and trash talking among some football lovers. See you there! Later.

Weekend Internet Hiatus

Hey there. I took the weekend off. I did not go online at all this weekend. lol I took a two day sabbatical from all things internet, well almost everything. I still had Email. But anyways, my wife brought up a point on Friday night when I was doing my online work. I mentioned something along the lines of it being a drag to get my work done at night so that don't have to do it during the day. My wife responded to that by saying something along of the lines of "don't do it religiously and take it easy." I wouldn't say I do it religiously, but I've come to realize that it's more of a habit now. I tend to work online until about 11:00 to 11:30 PM. That's the time I go to sleep anyways so I figured that I might as well get some work done. This weekend, I felt like I SHOULD be working at night since I couldn't sleep anyways. I refrained, but it felt off. It felt weird that I wasn't online at night. I stayed in bed and watched TV but at the end of the night, I couldn't really sleep because I felt as if my routine threw off my body. I actually stayed up later than usual. Go figure...

We did have an eventful weekend, though. Once I'm able to get some pictures, I'll post. If anything, I really regret that I forgot my camera at work since I wasn't able to take pics of our event myself. Until then, later.